Wednesday, March 09, 2011

My Road

I don't have all the answers
Can't have them
I would do what seems best and be at peace
But for the fear of being wrong
I walk against my will
But I must remember
They don't have all the answers either
Their self-assurance itself
Is a product of fear
In fear they will hurt me
I fear they are right
If I take my leave of fear
I will hurt them,
Not directly,
But in the calling forth of their fears
And in the challenging of their systems
And assumptions
And every other thing they hold dear

My own Lord
Whose love ought to cast out fear
Seems to be one to relate to in fear
Fear of hell,
Fear of punishment,
Fear of bad "luck",
Is He these things
Or are these things the false answers
Of a limited and yet trained mind

What if I let go of fear
What if I went out
Knowing not wither I went
Went out from among them,
And they will say I was not of them
Will the Lord bring down all these things
Of which I am told?
Of which I fear?

Is this alien cage
True salvation?
Or is it mere posturing,
Mere insecurity
Was I never one of His loved
If I do not want these bonds
If I see them as negative
And hold them as unfit
And esteem them as unwelcome

Dessicating, windy place
That provides nourishment to others
Why do you not provide it to me?
Is this my fault?
Or do I see truth?
Or is it neither,
Am I called to walk a different road
We are both right in a way
Such as is not to be understood by "right",
It is merely fitting.
What are we to understand?
We cannot confirm ourselves,
Yet we attempt to constrain others
The theologian and the scholar and the preacher
Speak with some measure of authority
Are they my masters?
Or are they your masters?
Are they not as weak as we?

Our learning is the pulling of a string
We obtain more precise knowledge at the expense of our wholeness
The sweater is undone
In much learning is sorrow,
And ignorance is bliss.

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